Heart.

You poke prod and play.

I feel it.

All I do is feel
Just feel it
That’s all
All I feel like I can do
All I want to
Do.

But now I hold it towards you
Bringer it closer than before
To pretend to have control
As you toy with what is sacred.

I know what I want.
I know what I need.
I know what I deserve.
Still,
I let this cloud my mind and
Poison my judgement.

I wish I said these things to you
I have of the agency of my own mind

Of my own voice

But I choose not to use them.
Instead I return
Over and over
Letting your inexpiable amusement
Tear it slowly
Meticulously
Dangerously

To my own demise.

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The Bulb

Sometimes a bulb is planted but
It chooses not to bloom until the planter waters another.
When there are too many blooms, the planter
Chooses the prettiest to cut and display, hidden from the light, but
It is the one not cut that will survive the longest.
This one will contain the beauty shared with the world,
As it blooms in nature, for all to see, for all to behold, but
It too will pass one day, but when it does it may leave a child
For the world to keep forever, and through this,
The bloom will never fail.

Many bulbs are planted.
Few will bloom.
And only one could ever last forever.

She’s Coming

Every week, Priceless Joy over at Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers provides a photo prompt for participants to write a 100-150 word piece based on the photo. My submission for this week’s prompt comes in a little over at 169 words.

dog
Thanks to Yinglan for this week’s prompt!

 

It was his daily mantra. His optimistic hope never wavering.

This is the day. I can feel it.
This is day we will leave. This is the day we will go Home.
It’s been three years since our new Human started taking care of us. I know she loves us as do her younglings, our joy, but our loyalty belongs to our first Human. Today is the day she will return for us.
I can smell it in the air. Today we will finally be reunited. She will come.

Cynthia paused, caught in emotion. She wondered what Bailey was thinking peering from behind the fence. She couldn’t help but think his expectant and hopeful look was not for her but for Desiree. Exactly three years today, that fire had changed everything.
Despite her sorrow, Cynthia had poured so much love into these dogs.

After all, they were her last connection to her dead sister.

Never When Sober

Never When Sober

Never when I’m sober
Would I dance with a random guy
I wouldn’t let him touch my body
Nor would I touch him back
Would I be okay with
Pressing My Lips to a Stranger’s

Only with Feelings and True Emotion
Can I act.

Swaying side to side,
Grinding to the music,
Pushing my body against his
Never when I’m sober.
Not with an unknown man.

But it happened anyway.
And I don’t even know his name

An Apology to Those I Love

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that back when I wasn’t always okay and you saw me cry
I didn’t tell you why.
That I kept to myself the reasons for my pain
Only because I didn’t want to bring you down
Even though you said that’s what friends are for,
But to be honest, my friendships back then were never
As real as the ones I have now. And
I’m sorry that I feel that way.
I’ve moved on from the shallow relationships of the past
And embraced the people I now love with whom
I will share my joys, my sorrows, and my secrets.
I’m sorry that I used to be so jealous of you,
My brothers, who I always loved.
I just really thought that I was the least loved among us
And that hurt me A LOT.
I thought I needed to compete with you for respect and equality.
It was never your fault though,
Never.
I’m sorry I wasn’t the friend you expected me to be.
I did honestly care for you a lot, but you wanted so much more than I had to offer.
I’m a definitely a giver, but I can only give so much
Before I have nothing for myself, and eventually I wear myself out.
Cutting out negativity packaged as a friendship is difficult.
I’m sorry that I expected more from you in that one week
When I really thought you cared.
I was naïve and in no way were you in the right,
But I wanted too much from someone
Who didn’t have that love to give,
And I gave my all to someone who didn’t deserve so much.
I hope we both mature enough to make our next respective partners very happy.
I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you want me to be because
My opinions are different than yours.
You raised me right, but right now you think I’m straying down the wrong path.
Let me make my mistakes even though it’s hard to see me fall.
I keep near and dear all you’ve taught me, but as I experience life,
I don’t always agree with what you believe, which is why I’m testing the waters.
Please remember back when you were young and learned on your own
And didn’t always end up doing what your parents wanted.
Sometimes I see that you are indeed right, but
Sometimes I see that I’ll never think like you again.
I’m a different person than you.
I’m going to grow up and learn to be
Me.
I can’t always be that five year old angel from your past.
I’m sorry I didn’t react to your news the other day in the way you wanted.
I honestly did care; I was just dealing with emotions.
I love being there for those I love, but
Sometimes I need you there for me too.
I’m sorry I’ve been so clingy lately. All those texts and Snaps
Aren’t meant to annoy you. It’s just that my world is changing,
And change is hard, so I’m looking to you because
You are a constant love in my life, and I seek
Your friendship in these times the most.
I’m sorry that I embarrass you in front of your friends. But you’ve
Always been there and you’re my best friend.
Family is forever; family is blood.
That’s why I always seek you out.
I love you, and I don’t care what you’re friends think of me,
But I don’t want to ruin their opinion of you.
I’m sorry that I always complain to you.
I hope our friendship isn’t just built on
You listening to me rant about things that don’t even affect you,
But thank you for always being there.
I’m sorry you think I’m immature,
But what’s the point of growing up if you can no longer have fun?
We’re not hurting anyone, so let’s keep going.
I’m mature when I need to be, but other than that,
I embrace the judgement from the solemn fools around us.
I’m the one laughing.
I’m sorry that sometimes I don’t know when to stop.
That sometimes I talk too much when you don’t really care,
Or that sometimes I tease too much and
You start to feel the pain.
I’m sorry I’m not always politically correct and
That I sometimes say or think things that are offensive without even realizing.
But now that I’ve learned,
I’m sorry that I’m aware of what you ignorant people aren’t,
And now I say things that make you cringe.
It’s just that there is so much brokenness in the world.
I’m sorry that sometimes I vent about the struggles of
Being a Minority Woman.
Yeah, you got your problems too, but
Honestly we have some barriers to cross and
Bringing awareness is just the first step.
I’m sorry that I’m seeking to fix the brokenness in my life with God,
And that I confuse you with my desires to change.
I don’t think you’re a bad person for doing the things you do,
Even things I used to do with you that now I want to stop.
This is a spiritual calling I feel right now,
And I’m chasing a certain path.
I’m sorry that I’ve lost my insecurities and now I seem conceited
When really it should be a blessing that I’m confident and proud
And honestly don’t care what strangers think of me.
I’m sorry that I no longer look in the mirror and think to myself
That I’m super fat, obese, unattractive, ugly, and unappreciated.
I’m glad that side of me was swept away by the love from those around me,
And if my comfort with myself and my acceptance of myself
Really makes you that uncomfortable,
I don’t know what to say.
I’m sorry that I’m so sensitive.
That sometimes things you say make me cry when I’m not with you
But confrontation is hard so I don’t always bring it up, but then
I’m sorry when I do confront you
You think that I just need to take a chill pill.
Sometimes I’m so stressed, so the little things get on my nerves,
But sometimes, you go too far and hurt me deep inside.
I’m trying to work things out you see,
Because I want us to stay together.
I’m sorry, truly sorry, for any hurt I may have ever caused you,
But I didn’t do it intentionally.
Relationships are hard and
We’re going to step on each other’s toes.
But in the end,
If we truly love one another,
We will work to make things right.
I’m sorry for being sorry.
I’m tired of apologizing for things beyond my control.
I’m tired of feeling bad for so many little things.
But I guess it’s just that I care too much what
Those I love think and feel, so should I say that
I’m sorry for loving you?
It was important that you read this
Because I want you to understand
That this long apology is also a thank you
Because you are part of the one thing
That I will never apologize for.
The experiences and relationships of
My past, present, and future
All contribute to who I am.
And I love it.
So,
Without a doubt,
I am not at all sorry for being me.

Still

Still

I still see you.
          Everytime.
    The way your eyes
          Widen when you speak.
    The way you look
          Towards the sky
               Unnecessarily.

Your fake drama.
Your fake pain.

     The way you smirk
          In jestful judge.

I still feel you.
     Proximity only serves to
          Remind me of
             Our Touch.
     Proximity shows me often
          What it is
             That I can’t have.

I still notice
     When you change.
          A simple trim of
        Your hair.
          Or a drastic change of
             Your mane.

I still hear you.
     Those whispers
     Those words
          Your silver tongue.

But now I see you.
     Proximity shows me
          What I don’t want.
     Proximity shows me
          What I don’t need.

But then I remember.
     I want.
     I desire.
     I hope.
     I dream.
     I remember.
     I remember clearly.

     I wish I could forget.

     Forget the pain.
     Forget the love.
     Forget the hurt.
     Forget the hope.
     Forget it all.

I still see you.
     All the time.
          You’re in my dreams.
          You’re on my mind.
          You’re in my hopes.

I still see you.
I still remember.
I still feel you.
I still hear you.
I still want you.

Poetic Wednesday: Heart and Mind

Vines that entrap the heart
Do not spare the mind.

Heart and Mind;
They intertwine.

But despite their proximity,
Why can they not agree?

Their daily battles result
In nothing more than hopeless confusion.

Mind says no, never again,
But Heart yearns, please, return my friend.

Mind says yes, ’tis a good idea,
But Heart refuses oh so vehemently.

Their daily battles do not relent,
Only causing ache and stress.

Mind, obviously so capable of love,
Refuses to accept emotion.

Heart, truly understands reason,
But decides to reject it completely.

Will the day ever come?
When they decide to be just one?

When compromise will be Victor,
And emotion and reason will live together.

Until then, the war rages on,
Heart and Mind know not what is right.

Vines that entrap the heart
Do not spare the mind.

 

Poetic Wednesday: Rose Petals

Rose petals don’t always fall
One by one.
Sometimes they keep dropping
Till their work is done.

Stripped of its beauty—
Color gone,
Thorns remain.
Leaves rotted—
Full of holes,
Thorns remain.
Fragrance lost—
Only a putrid smell,
Thorns remain.

Petals lost,
Forever gone,
The wind will take
What was once loved.

©2015 The Glitter Aficionado

Short Story Sunday: The Gift

Now I know that I will not be posting a short story every Sunday, but hey it sounds cool in the title. This is a little something I wrote a little under two years ago. In the spirit of the upcoming holidays (and *cough*the fact that I haven’t been posting much of late *cough*), I thought I’d share it with all of you. Enjoy!




 

The Gift

 “Here,” he whispered, softly placing the box in her palm.

She looked at him through her teary eyes, “But…”

“Shhh…” he said placing a finger to her lips. “I don’t want to make this any harder.” Gently he wiped her tears and tousled her hair, longing and a hint of regret in his eyes. Finally, he pressed his lips against hers, softly, gently. He looked downwards as he turned away.

She watched him sadly as he walked off. This was the last time she would ever see him. She clenched the box in her hand, crinkling the wrapping paper as waves of emotions flowed over her. Sadness, loneliness, despair, and anger. It wasn’t fair! No, life was never fair, was it? She let the tears flow freely, now that he could no longer see her.

Days later, she would finally find the courage to open the box. The object inside — his final gift to her — she would cherish forever.

Poetic Wednesday: Tug of War

Tug of War

We play tug of war
Nearly everyday.

I tug.
You pull.
We glare.
You trip.
I stop
Just to help you up.
You shove and
I fall.
You scoff.
I stare.

Back to the rope
We always return,
Our hands numb
To the pain and blood.

Games for kids.
Games for fun.
We are with neither
And no-one has won.

Our faces are set
In eternal grimace.
Our eyes remain locked,
True emotions hidden within,
Matching the one thing
That is not stagnant:

Our beating hearts.